From Mess to Message
How God's grace met me in my darkest places
If you've ever felt too broken for God's love, too messy for church, or too far gone for redemption, I understand. My name is Kristen Alderman, and I spent years believing those lies about myself.
For a long time, my life was defined by brokenness. Addiction, mental health struggles, trauma, and shame seemed to write the headlines of my story. I felt trapped, forgotten, and utterly hopeless.
But here's the thing about God—He has a way of stepping into the darkest places and bringing light.
The Struggle
Addiction and Darkness: My battle with addiction wasn't just about substances—it was about trying to numb pain that felt too big to carry. I was drowning in shame, convinced that I was beyond help, beyond hope, beyond love. The addiction controlled everything: my relationships, my choices, my sense of worth.
Mental health struggles compounded everything. Depression felt like a weight I couldn't lift, anxiety like a constant companion whispering lies about my worth. I was fighting battles on multiple fronts, and I was losing.
Rock Bottom: Then came the moment I thought it was all over. When the judge looked me in the eye and said, "No bond," my stomach dropped. I knew I wasn't going anywhere—not until trial or a plea deal. The words echoed like a death sentence in my ears. I felt trapped, forgotten, and utterly hopeless.
Incarceration wasn't just about being behind bars—it was about facing the full weight of my choices and their consequences. It was about sitting with shame that felt heavier than chains. It was about wondering if I would ever be anything more than my worst mistakes.
The Transformation
Encountering Grace:
But God had other plans. During my time incarcerated, He met me in a way I never expected. It was a Jubilee weekend, and a group of people showed up who could have easily ignored us. But they didn't. They answered God's call and came into that prison with unconditional love, no judgment, and hearts full of compassion.
They saw me when I felt invisible and consumed with shame. They held out their hands when I felt untouchable. And through them, God whispered hope back into my life.
That weekend changed everything for me. I encountered Jesus not as a distant figure, but as a Savior who steps into jail cells and broken stories. A Father who doesn't abandon His children when they've made a mess, but instead walks them home.
The Journey of Healing:
Recovery wasn't instant or easy. It was a daily choice to believe that God's grace was bigger than my mess. It meant learning to see myself as God sees me—not defined by my worst moments, but beloved despite them.
I had to learn to forgive myself, to accept help, and to build healthy relationships grounded in truth, not fear. I had to discover that my worth wasn't tied to my performance but to God's unchanging love. Some days were harder than others, but His faithfulness never wavered.
Over time, I began to realize that healing isn’t a destination—it’s a relationship. It’s walking hand in hand with a Savior who meets us in the middle of our brokenness and whispers, “You’re still Mine.” What once felt like shame became a story of redemption, and what once felt like endings became the beginning of something beautiful—grace rebuilding what I thought was beyond repair.
Life Today
Nearly 10 Years Later: Today, I'm celebrating nearly 10 years of sobriety and 9 years of freedom from incarceration. Not because I figured it all out, but because God's grace is messier and more beautiful than I ever imagined.
I've had the privilege of serving on prison ministry teams, walking back into the very places I once thought were the end of my story—this time carrying the message of grace and hope. I've mentored men and women finding their footing after release. I've worked for CHARM Prison Ministry, pouring into others the same love and truth that once pulled me out of despair.
I now own my own business, Southeast Revival Designs, that provides communications and marketing services to non-profits across the country as they share the hope of Jesus Christ and make an eternal impact.
My Family and Relationships: God has restored relationships I thought were broken beyond repair. He's given me a family that loves me not despite my past, but including it. He's surrounded me with people who see my story not as something to be ashamed of, but as a testimony to His goodness.
My Mission Today
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Why I Do What I Do:
I never imagined God could use my incarceration for good, but He has—again and again. My mess became my message, and now I get to share hope with women who are still fighting battles I know all too well. I write and speak because I know what it's like to feel too broken for God's love. I know what it's like to sit in church and feel like everyone else has it figured out while you're barely holding on. I know what it's like to wonder if God could ever use someone like me.
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My Heart for Women:
My heart breaks for women who feel like they're drowning—in addiction, in shame, in circumstances beyond their control.
I want them to know that their mess doesn't scare God. He's not waiting for them to clean up their lives before He loves them.
He loves them right now, right where they are, right in the middle of their struggle.
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The Message of Messy Grace:
This is what I call "Messy Grace"—the kind of grace that meets you right where you are and refuses to leave you there.
The kind that doesn't flinch at your failures or recoil at your struggles.
The kind of grace that holds your hand in the pit and whispers, "I'm not finished with you yet."
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Professional Background
Writing and Speaking: I inherited my love for writing from my father, and God has used that gift to reach men and women who need to hear that they're not alone. Through my book "Messy Grace" and speaking engagements, I get to share the hope that carried me through my darkest days.
I speak at women's events, recovery programs, prison ministries, and churches— anywhere women need to hear that their story isn't over, that their mess can become their message, and that God's grace is big enough for their biggest struggles.
Ministry Work: I serve with various prison ministries, including CHARM Prison Ministry, Jubilee Prison Ministry, and Crosswalk Center, serving men and women as they rebuild their lives after incarceration. I know firsthand the challenges of reentry, the weight of shame, and the hope that comes from knowing you're not walking alone.
Looking Forward
My Hope for You:
If you're reading this and you're struggling, I want you to know: you are not forgotten. You are not too far gone. And you are not beyond the reach of God's love.
Your story isn't over. Your mess doesn't disqualify you from God's love—it's exactly where His grace meets you. Whatever you're facing today, God is not surprised by it, not scared of it, and not finished with you because of it.
Let's Walk Together:
I'd love to walk this journey with you. Whether through my writing, speaking, or simply connecting through email, I want you to know you're not alone.
God's grace is messy and beautiful, and there's room for all of us in His love.